literature

.You Begged.

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6-Simplicity-9's avatar
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Literature Text

You begged me to cry.

So I carved your name into my wrist
branded the spots you once kissed
watched records of love that i had missed
just to be laughed at and then dismissed.

But it didn't matter.

So I woke up late into the day
glanced outside to a world now grey
painted beauty with soft dismay
only to watch it melt away.

But then you closed your eyes.

So I closed pain and stopped the care
from breaking my wish coming here
pointed to a heart opened and bare
that experienced love in a view unclear.

But you made it hurt again.

So I dedicated more love to you
nurtured the hurt until it grew
to fall in love with the bluest blue
of despair so deep only more it knew.

But I dug fresh dirt.

So it fell down lower than the lowest low
to never feel Remedy's tender blow
of love so sweet nothing else could show.
The grief lived on with lonliness's glow

But it was satisfied.
You begged me to cry
© 2005 - 2024 6-Simplicity-9
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Faint-69's avatar
The start was a bit shaky, i didnt like the first stanza. But as I continued reading the progression in the piece was well executed. I was impressed with the structure, simple, atheticly pleasing to the eye and well executed. The structure followed the way you delivered the topic, methodical and clear. You stuck to the topic very well at all times and explained the ideas and concepts deeply. Needless to say anymore other than a brilliant piece, my only bone to pick would have to be the first paragraph. It seemed like to me a typical teen agnst stereotype, especialy on the wrist cutting referance. All things considered a minor fault :+fav: